This is the (very) early morning of 27th January,
2013, and I find myself unable to sleep. Not because I had overslept in the
afternoon or have had very less exercise to make me tired enough to doze off.
It’s just that, I uploaded my first ever short film on youtube today. I got
rave reviews from almost everyone who saw it, and I can bet that some of the
most flattering of all were completely true and honest. It gives me a whole new
kind of high to think of myself as a good enough storyteller; to be counted in
the same ranks as so many talented and creative people out there producing
godawesome works of visual art on social media and beyond, not in lieu of any
monetary or professional payoff, but just for the heck of creating something
they really want to.
I have wanted to be a selfless artist: one who, at the very
core of their art, does it for nothing but
itself, who does it without any other motive than the completion of the artwork
itself in mind. I have wanted to be such a person so much, that today when I see
myself being hailed as one by so many of my near and dear ones, it feels unreal
and too good to be true.
Remember that funny feeling in the tummy when something
exciting is just around the corner, and you’re completely pepped up in
anticipation? That slight, prolonged tickle that doesn’t let you rest until the
particular task concludes? I’ve been feeling that for over a day now. And it’s
great, it’s indescribably huge. It makes me the most self-centred person for the
present moment; I am the greatest person who could ever be. It makes me want to
be immortal really bad. It makes me want to be god, and makes me wish there were a god: me.
Thank you world, because I cannot thank something or someone
of whose very existence I doubt. Thank you, all the people who make me who I am.
I know it sounds very complacent and high-handed (because, well, it is), but
today it’s me who matters. And, I think
if we ponder a little while, we all think the same. And I believe that this
amount of ego is healthy and constructive, if not vital to our being.
Or maybe I’m just riding too high on my appreciation and all
this is the random useless late night ramble.
1 comment:
Doing something creative is an award in itself. And to make it palatable to others is a herculean task. Please keep doing it. It will lead to more refinement and bring in commercial success too, which will be icing on the cake. I genuinely feel appreciation by the common person is the real test of quality of the creative work and not the verbose labyrinths of language created by scholars and critics.
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