An honest, literary self portrait.

This is the (very) early morning of 27^th January, 2013, and I find myself unable to sleep. Not because I had overslept in the afternoon or have had very less exercise to make me tired enough to doze off. It’s just that, I uploaded my first ever short film on youtube today. I got rave reviews from almost everyone who saw it, and I can bet that some of the most flattering of all were completely true and honest. It gives me a whole new kind of high to think of myself as a good enough storyteller; to be counted in the same ranks as so many talented and creative people out there producing godawesome works of visual art on social media and beyond, not in lieu of any monetary or professional payoff, but just for the heck of creating something they really want to.

I have wanted to be a selfless artist: one who, at the very core of their art, does it for nothing but itself, who does it without any other motive than the completion of the artwork itself in mind. I have wanted to be such a person so much, that today when I see myself being hailed as one by so many of my near and dear ones, it feels unreal and too good to be true.

Remember that funny feeling in the tummy when something exciting is just around the corner, and you’re completely pepped up in anticipation? That slight, prolonged tickle that doesn’t let you rest until the particular task concludes? I’ve been feeling that for over a day now. And it’s great, it’s indescribably huge. It makes me the most self-centred person for the present moment; I am the greatest person who could ever be. It makes me want to be immortal really bad. It makes me want to be god, and makes me wish there were a god: me.

Thank you world, because I cannot thank something or someone of whose very existence I doubt. Thank you, all the people who make me who I am. I know it sounds very complacent and high-handed (because, well, it is), but today it’s me who matters. And, I think if we ponder a little while, we all think the same. And I believe that this amount of ego is healthy and constructive, if not vital to our being.

Or maybe I’m just riding too high on my appreciation and all this is the random useless late night ramble.

qt pi: My first ever short film outing

It's grainy, poorly lit and the sound is a let down. The chat sequences are a tad long, and it's unnaturally loquacious for a 12 minute film.
Still, it's close to my heart because it's my first outing as a filmmaker. It has been a collective effort throughout, with all of the actors and others behind the camera shedding their sweat and tears over this project. We've sacrificed little in terms of finances or time, but it has not been a cakewalk.
Let me not take any more of your time. Go ahead and watch the film, comment, criticize, shrug off, or close it midway; whatever you do, I owe you my heartfelt thanks. A big shoutout to all our benefactors and motivators, without whom 'qt pi' could never have taken concrete shape.
Thank you, world.

सुलगते विचार

अभी सूर्या पतन से दूर है,

दिन का ढलना बाकी है...

पैर के तलवे फिलहाल मुलायम हैं, 

पर भी हैं फूटे नहीं, आँखे भी सिंची नहीं,

प्यार तो किया है, पर दिल को ठेस मिलनी बाकी है...

इरादों के जहाँ में तो कब से सजी हैं झाँकियाँ,

कल्पना के बागान में खिली हैं फूलों की क्यारियाँ।

सोचा तो है गगन चूम के आना है,

शुरुआत अभी बाकी है...

मन का आंगन है अगन से झुलसा,

मांगे दर दर प्रेरणा की वर्षा,

सेंक लिया है बदन धूप में, 

हाथ जलना अभी बाकी है...

है शायद ये यौवन का तकाज़ा,

कि तन विह्वल करे तमाशा,

उम्मीद बाँध तो बहुत रखी हैं,

साकार होना बाकी है...

या शायद है मानव प्रवृत्ति,

दुनिया देखे सदा अघटित कल की,

सत्य तो सत्य, हो चुका, या रहा है,

अनिश्चित कल आना बाकी है।

माँ, निकल पड़ने दो पिंजरे से,

ताकती रहना आसमां दूर के,

सांझ ज़रूर है क्षितिज पे छायी,                        

पर रात अभी बाकी है…

Qt Pi: Teaser

This is it: I have successfully completed shooting my first ever serious work of film with a bunch of enterprising and collaborative friends. We shot the roughly 15 minute long film over a 2-day shoot, dodging exam preparations, family engagements and that insufferable urge to sleep all day long. What remains is the post production (editing+dubbing), which I shall be undertaking once my pre board examinations are through (i.e., after 16th of January, 2013). Till then, a very misleading blooper teaser of the film is all I can give to you.
Hope my non-existent readers will appreciate it!